Tuesday, January 13, 2015


Number Appearing: 2-8
Size: 10' to peak of cone
Armor: Rolls of thick, dense hide as plate armor
Resilience: As 8 human warriors
Intelligence: Stupid, musical geniuses
Communication: Blast one another with projected sound waves featuring a very limited variety of meanings
Disposition: Idiotic, famished
Violence: Stuns with focused sound waves emitted from mouth, delivers savage bite, blows hurricane-force gusts
Enemies: Ghost Beetles, everything else is food
Aims: Bewilder and devour humans/humanoids, produce and emit incredibly loud music
  • Developed by extinct Genocide Beetle bioengineers as living musical instruments, able to record and produce all manner of sounds with complex auditory organ atop cone. After fall of Beetle civilization the echolaliacs went feral, vowing to forevermore produce music only for their own edification, becoming a successful predator of Underworld humanoids
  • Able to sustain itself on variety of protein sources but ideal diet consists entirely of human-like creatures due to Beetle policy of breeding scads of experimental humanoids and utilizing those unfit for other duties as feed animals for their other enslaved monstrosities
  • Uses bits of previously recorded conversations (renewed habitually during periods of inertia between meals) to lure humans into striking distance of sonic stun wave (60'): calling out for aid, begging for respite from terrible loneliness, offering rare objects for sale, inquiring about the daily news, etc. etc. Syntax and appropriateness will be approximate at best. If PCs attempt to engage the echolaliac in conversation, sooner or later it becomes obvious that they speak with an idiot trying to hide the fact that it has no idea what its talking about, a realization often enough made far too late.
  • When inert, echolaliacs curl up their musical organs and attempt to blend in with the stalagmites
  • At need, able to take in enormous volumes of air into its body cavity via the musical organ atop its cone, swelling to gross immensity before blasting forth a powerful gust of reeking breath from its mouth lasting several seconds during which it may be aimed in multiple directions. Anything human-sized caught in this surge of unpleasantness, barring firm anchoring or extreme good fortune, is tossed about helplessly for 2-40 feet of random smashing into things 
  • After a fulfilling meal of human flesh, echolaliacs turn to their secondary passion and emit highly complex and subtle symphonic compositions of stirring, eerie majesty that echo through the Underworld, providing involuntary musical entertainment for denizens within a 5 mile radius. These performances last until the creature becomes hungry once again, after 2d12 hours
  • Underworld humanoids sometimes dare to draw out conversation with echolaliacs, remaining carefully outside the range of their sonic stun ability, in an effort to glean information overheard in the recent past
  • Echolaliacs think plain strider songs are fine, if you like children's music
Treasure: Interesting indigestible items may sometimes be found in great pools of vomit near echolaliac territories (their sole means of eliminating waste)

Saturday, January 10, 2015


Number Appearing: Unique
Size: 28' tall
Armor: Stout carapace as per plate armor, highly resistant to elements, magic (see below)
Resilience: As 12 human warriors
Intelligence: Incredible facility for engineering, architecture 
Communication: Speaks in a technical jargon of the extinct Genocide Beetles, understands most Underworld dialects
Disposition: Nervous agitation (90%), unbreakable attention to task (10%)
Violence: Incredibly strong limbs, whiplash effect makes blows supremely destructive, hurls found projectiles with uncanny accuracy
Enemies: Those who disrupt works-in-progress, purveyors of construction supplies (summarily killed if they fail to instantly surrender any and all goods needed)
Aims: Lacking current work orders from extinct creators, wanders the Underworld maintaining engineering works of the Beetle culture (stone bridges, toll fortifications, temples, sophisticated high-rise cliff dwellings, etc)
  • Created as a prototype construction slave by the Beetles for their aborted deep space exploration/colonization project but discontinued due to budgetary concerns incurred by perpetual Genocide Wars and set to work in the Underworld
  • Able to survive indefinitely due to self-renewing depleted Chaos metabolism, immune to poisonous gases, highly resistant to magic and environmental factors such as heat, cold, vacuum
  • Stupendous physical strength, able to fold up limbs as accordion as convenient, powerful hands and feet act as multi-tools able to cut stone, act as clamps, drive spikes, etc.
  • Crafts additional tools when engaged in project, liberating raw materials from Underworld traders as needed 
  • Luminous eyes project light of variable intensity up to a distance of 240'
  • In addition to keeping paleogean Beetle architecture in tip-top condition, occasionally seized by wistful yearning for new project and can be highly suggestible during these vulnerable periods
  • Able to perceive and communicate with even the most intangible ghost Beetles still stalking the Underworld (typically haunting ancient dwellings, temples, and laboratories) and always obeys their commands
  • Fears and loathes most humanoids due to centuries of accumulated evidence of their inherent treachery and unpredictable irrationality and will attempt to avoid most contact unless in dire need of work materials
  • If somehow engaged in communication, refers to self as The Custodian, able to provide vague hints about Underworld history, but exclusively through the lens of a deep and abiding interest in architecture and little else 
Treasure: Heaps of costly building supplies if encountered when engaged in project, otherwise nil 

Saturday, January 3, 2015


Number Appearing: They operate solo
Size: 12+d12 feet in height
Armor: Eschew most armor, skin as per leather. giant panther-like speed and grace
Resilience: As 10-12 human warriors
Intelligence: Human average, addled by plight
Communication: Speak common tongue w/charming accent and semi-comprehensible backwoods dialect
Disposition: Surly (70%), gigantic mirth (10%), gigantic melancholy (10%), drunk (10%)
Violence: As per giant weapon
Enemies: Wizards, apes, demons, Underworld godlings
Aims: Wander the Underworld in search of thrills, enlightenment
  • When a colossal roaming plume of depleted Chaos and other weird industrial pollutants settled temporarily on their northern village, all but those possessing the hardiest constitutions died instantly or were subject to terrifying and ultimately deadly mutations. Those mighty few who survived were transmuted to giant size, their minds stupefied and permanently confused by this transformation. Giant barbarians share an irresistible urge to descend into the Underworld and quest in the vain hope they might find some escape from their fate, bolstered by a shameful realization that they no longer belong among surface people.
  • Any combat triggers uncontrollable berserk frenzy lasting until all enemies are smashed (5% chance of fatal heart attack per battle), followed by a equal period of inert perspiration
  • Instinct and weird sense of propriety pits the giant barbarian against the many Underworld godlings seeking self-aggrandizement in the depths of the earth
  • Sometimes make rough encampments just outside of major population areas, where they sell their considerable martial skills to the highest bidder, simultaneously holding all parties in equal contempt
  • Easily insulted, wise-ass references to outlandish size frequently met with lethal force
  • Will wrestle monsters for booze (if offered in sufficient dosages)

Treasure: Giant barbarians tend to get drunk and spend booty (frivolously) almost as soon as they acquire it so if you catch them at precisely the right moment they could be loaded down with cash and prizes, otherwise they are broke.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014


Number Appearing: 1-4
Size: Elephantine
Armor: Thick, spongy hide and rippling muscle beneath, half-damage from bludgeoning attacks
Resilience: As per 8 human warriors
Intelligence: Somewhere on the scale between exceptionally smart dog and not-so-bright human
Communication: Inherent command of Underworld common in deep, thunderous, ebullient tones
Disposition: Emphatic
Violence: Tentacle slap/seize and constrict, broadcasts plasma beam generated between horns, it could bite you in half but then it would have to actually stop talking for a moment
Enemies: As directed by master
Aims: To herald, create artworks, spew non-stop hype man jabber and apologia in celebration of master 
  • Created by Underworld godling Kwanju prior to his manifestation to announce his advent to the world and ultimately remake it in his image
  • Small clutches of Qual eggs fall involuntarily from Kwanju's gleeful/terrible eyes like tears whenever the godling chooses to become temporarily inert for a fortnight
  • Uses precision plasma beam to cut stone for construction, sculpt statues and bas relief depicting the glory of Kwanju (and other related subjects) with uncanny mastery, also able to blast enemies to tiny bits as needed
  • Sustained by internal power plant fueled by depleted Chaos in a demi-material matrix, born with enough to last hundreds of years, no feeding or housebreaking required!
  • If found in egg form (double-size ostrich egg), sheltered from the elements, transported away from Kwanju's sphere of influence, will upon hatching form instant master-servant bond with the first sentient mind it encounters and immediately begin proselytizing on master's behalf
  • Telepathic bond with master allows two-way communication, one such contact per day, range unlimited 

Treasure: Considers all material wealth to be sole property of the cult of Kwanju and its affiliates

Thursday, December 4, 2014


Number Appearing: 1-4
Size: Ten feet from tentacle tip to ocular dome
Armor: Demi-material composition impervious to normal weapons
Resilience: As ten human warriors
Intelligence: Vast and inscrutable
Communication: Non-verbal telepathic psychic intrusion (unpleasant), halting Frankenstein/Tonto/Tarzan-style speech from extensible mouth upon request
Disposition: Impossible to determine 
Violence: Only if attacked, responds with berserk outrage, bites with extensible jaws, destroys minds with psychic overload (see below), projects disintegration ray (as disintegrate spell) three times/day
Enemies: None
Aims: Gather information for unspeakable masters
  • Sent forth by super-potent Outer Entities to psychically record and transmit reports on events throughout the multiverse deemed important or interesting for unknowable reasons
  • Able to travel through the mind-bending, psychedelic transplanar inter-void from reality to reality once per day
  • Once daily, may become invisible or assume form of inanimate objects (as polymorph) to permit long-term clandestine observation (i.e. that decorative sarcophagus in the evil monarch's war room), destroys object in question with disintegration ray, position revealed by detect magic/similar spells and/or innate abilities
  • May project concentrated psychic noise at single target w/in 120' at will, instantly rendering all but the hardiest subjects mentally negligible for 10 minutes, repeated psychic attacks will eventually reduce the target's brain to inert hash
  • If friendly communication can be established, transplanar observers sufficiently bored with their surveillance missions may provide information on events witnessed in the immediate area, done for their own amusement, but only after checking in with dark masters via trans-cosmic telepathy for permission (granted 80% of the time, 20% chance of orders to destroy the adventurers) 

Treasure: A series of semi-solid ducts deep in the creature's demi-material trunk contain a vapor that, if inhaled, grant the ability to travel to another reality (one way only). These must be harvested and utilized immediately before the creature's corpse dissolves into a reeking mist. 

Sunday, November 30, 2014


Number Appearing: 1-4
Size: 60-120' long
Armor: Thick epidermis provides excellent protection, immune to arrows, vital bits shielded by several feet of skin and muscle, eyes somewhat more vulnerable, disrupts spells
Resilience: Exceedingly hard to kill
Intelligence: Dog-like
Communication: Perform facial-tentacle semaphore, understand simple commands and directions in Underworld common, several dialects
Disposition: Fearless, steady under fire, but occasionally freak out and join battles-in-progress despite orders to the contrary
Violence: Can readily swallow 1-4 human size creatures whole at a go, could batter most foes senseless with facial-tentacles but why bother when you can just rear up then come down on enemies like a colossal heap of bricks
Enemies: Those of their master, Underworld godling Shaggath Ka
Aims: Deliver and extract worm troopers as ordered by their master or his priesthood
  • Created at the behest of Shaggath Ka by his enslaved drone-brides, who perish in the process of generating a single clutch of massive carrier worm eggs (1-6 per clutch)
  • Stores up to 36 encysted worm troopers or other roughly human-size forces in massive transport gizzard
  • Supplemental gizzards used to haul heavy siege equipment or other military cargoes
  • Tunnel through earth and rock at respectable rate of 10 mph
  • Flawless Underworld navigation via psio-location, send out constant waves of psionic impulses, perceive 3-D image of surroundings to a distance of several miles
  • Spell-casting disrupted within 60 feet of carrier worm as side-effect of psionic emissions
  • Explode into caverns and chambers, regurgitate troops, resume tunneling as per orders, stand by to extract troops 
  • Will only wholly emerge from tunnels at direst emergency or if berserk (see below)
  • Rarely, carrier worms succumb to their mostly suppressed battle urges and go on rampages of violent mayhem, always directed at known enemies but sometimes inadvertently screwing up carefully planned operations, an offense for which they face eternal damnation and exile
  • Embittered exile worms sometimes attach themselves to Underworld mercenary forces
  • When not on active duty spend every available moment in active praise and worship of their deity, lurking outside of his unholy Dome of Contemplation like faithful but slightly irritating attention-seeking hounds, they just want to get as close as possible to their cherished Worm Sultan

Treasure: Frequently carry implements of war in their supplemental gizzards, occasionally loaded with loot from conquests

Tuesday, November 18, 2014


Number Appearing: Unique
Size: Approximate human size
Armor: Soft and fleshy but moves with startling quickness
Resilience: As three human warriors
Intelligence: Exceptional but scrambled by plight
Communication: Only remembers a handful of magical languages, rarely intoned outside of spell casting, speaks like an even-more-depressed Neil from The Young Ones
Disposition: Extremely morose
Violence: Spells, powerful constricting embrace
Enemies: Doesn't remember
Aims: Formerly ambitious, now a chaotic wanderer lacking any sense of purpose
  • Once a powerful adventuring sorcerer whose pursuit of a more resilient form landed him in a grossly mutated housing of rubbery, heavily muscled appendages
  • Mind and will shattered, amnesia almost total but for the list of spells memorized at the time of his life-changing experimental transformation, each of which return to his mind daily without effort
  • Inclined to avoid unnecessary conflict, but if attacked will unleash eldritch hell
  • Sleeps hanging by his tentacles among the stalactites, steals/forages for food of the finest quality available, solves problems with limited list of incantations, sometimes hurling a fireball when a mere charm person would do
  • Will request and, if indulged, promptly guzzle any and all booze or wine available for consumption
  • Booze and wine will loosen his tongue as regards any nearby treasures and/or dangers he has spotted in his meanderings

Treasure: None, but may know locations of any riches proximate to area of encounter